h o m e w o r k . bleh that's all i've been doing for the past...ierno...while? my dsl is fudgered up, and god knows when it's actually gonna come back. i'm at my cousin's house, and i actually finished the crappiest parts of my homework already. not bad.

d r a m a . i've rid myself of it; well, i think i did? don't need it. don't want it. like watching it though. it seems like everyone's in their own episode. maybe it doesn't occur to them how much has to be done. ah well, whatever floats their boats. i'm just the loser who hangs out at home playing the piano and baking. don't listen to me.

d o s  m e s e s . yes the nineteenth is close. took time long enough. you've been really good to me, and i've been really mean to you. hey, it works for me. even if what we have isn't sickly sweet, i'm glad. i have a weak stomach; don't make me puke.

1 0 : 3 0 p m gosh only an hour and a half until i have to finish everything. well, it'll probably be a little while again until i write in here, until i get my fricken dsl back. toodles.

new layout...it's been a while since i've been here, and i decided a change was needed. i'm liking the redness. it's different because i'm not really into the brightness.

i hate this stupid phase. it seems like everyday i'm getting into more and more fights with my parents. it's getting so much easier to irritate me. i really don't mean to be a bitch, but i can't help it. now that my brother's leaving in a few [[numbered]] months, all the attention is gonna be on me. that's pretty harsh considering that i'm not really used to being the one always getting in trouble because i'm always being watched. it's gonna be worse for me though. filipino parents somehow think that girls need more protecting than guys, and apparently, this is a significant sign of their love for you. tough love.

the ap exam is soon, and i'm really anxious about it. all this hard work done better pay off, because i really want those college credits. i'm not all that great at multiple choice questions, but hopefully i can do something about those essays. along with that, everything else in school has been tugging at my mind. i want to finally get on the honor roll and not have to feel crappy just because i got one b. that's just stupid. well, one good thing came out of my loud mouth. today i asked dr. choy if we could bring in spanish food for our presentations for the next chapter we're doing in spanish, and he actually said yes. finally, damnit. he's always telling me to put my water bottles and food away, even if it's a piece of candy, and now, we get to bring in a shitload of food! when he said yes, that was like the best fricken part of my week.

i know i sound pretty lame, rejoicing over food and school, but how many people do you know that actually are grateful for the simple pleasures in life and constantly repeat their graces over and over without having to be asked? not everyone.

even if we're physically so close to what we want, it never seems like we'll get it. it's too bad. people don't know what they're missing.

i wanna go back to school!!!! i've been getting so lazy and missing people. so far, all that's been pretty much finished is the group vocal project. it's really funny; george is dressed as haydn in a wig and everything, speaking fake german.

too much has been going on in my family, and it's not too good. i'm probably not gonna be able to go out for a while, and if it's what i have to do, it's what i have to do. that's all for that. period.

the realization of how to shutup when necessary came to me yesterday. i finally figured out that i should shutup when it comes to my parents "suggesting" stuff to me. i always end up fighting with them when i don't want to just because i "respond" to their "suggestions". jedda, be more ladylike. yeah, right. chris made up a totally weird statistic...

[[chris]]..."statistics show that most kids who were put into daycare when they were really young grow up to be angry people."

[[me]]..."...and you weren't put into daycare really early? and i'm angry?"

[[chris]]..."no...well sometimes..."

hey, both my parents were working!!! what were they supposed to do?! i'm not that angry am i?...hah.

girltalk with embee--i had a really long convo with embee last night on the phone. it was really good. she has the same problems, and we pretty much laughed a lot. well...we were laughing until we started talking about the ring. ohhhhh creepy!!!! we're gonna hang out really soon!!!

here goes my mom and another "suggestion"....bleh.

talk later*...

[[edit-3:30pm]] i thought i couldn't feel...but now it's finally come to me...rest in peace tito mel. you're gonna be missed...

feeling caught between. i almost did something totally stupid that could've hurt both of us, but the point is i didn't.

recap of this week--it was a pretty good week overall. i don't really have much to say because i'm eating ice cream right now, and it's making me go braindead. i have to clean my room and get my part of the vocal project ready. pretty happy...what can i say? i have nobody to be mean to...i miss chris a little..AHHHHHHH!!! i'm such a loser.

i want candy!!!--hope you guys like the song...haha...pop is so peppy. yeah...well the songs after this just play on and on...and on...and the layout is new...soooo enjoooooyy!!!

[[edit---4.19.03]]

happy one month butthole!!! one month of trying to figure you out...it took one whole month to get this far...oh lord....

ahhhh....i'm a mess. well fuck people who take cheap shots at you.

[[recap of friday]] nasty day...cold and blah. mrs. mciver was on a crazy spree with the choir songs and everything else around it. at least i got to watch toy story in spanish...[[sarcasm]]yeah that totally made up for the fact that we can't eat in mrs. mciver's class anymore!!! god...how am i gonna get my food intake?!!! i'm gonna starve!!!! starve i tell you!!!! algebra wasn't bad...i got a good average!!!! [[not saying what it is]]. all that studying for world history payed off...i'm pretty sure i got a good grade on that vocab quiz...it's just the test that i'm waiting for...after school wasn't so good...i really wanted to go to the dance...but overprotective filipino mom said i couldn't because none of the friends she met were going...fine...no prob...cept that...i felt really bad because of the fact that he would be there and i wouldn't...and it would be like leaving him alone...so of course i was feeling majorly shitty...but i dragged jen and sandy to my house...where i played the piano..and sandy started to sing to memory from cats...dear god...and then we took that oh so sexy picture that you see as my header...sigh...i love those two...but it still didn't really "fix" my want to talk to him somehow...bah sometimes i regret trusting my brother...

i'm gonna go and drown myself in more drifting thoughts and that pint of ice cream in the freezer that i never got to...smooches.

[[edit-10:06pm]]there's nothing for me to do. i'm so bored out of my mind. unbelievably time is going really fast. soon enough i'm gonna get my ass off of this chair and go to sleep. damn i'm bored. i could be cleaning my room. maybe i should. i think i will, and then i'll go and finish everything so that i'll be really really bored tomorrow afternoon. maybe i'll bake then. maybe i'll learn how to make empanadas. maybe i should shut up right now and get my ass off of this chair first. yeah maybe i should...!!!